Van Halen - OU812
1988 Warner Bros.
by Horatio

Quick Summary:
Of Van Halen's albums, this would have to qualify as the least listened to by myself along with the lone Gary Cherone effort 'III' which I've never heard at all.  Amazing as it seems I consider 'Balance' superior to this as there's nothing here to compare to 'Big Fat Money'.  Hagar started out with a bang on 1986's '5150' a good mixture of fierce rockers and AOR, but far removed from the flashiness and raw energy that typified the David Lee Roth years.  In reality, Hagar should have been a perfect replacement for Van Halen.  As vocalist for Montrose and being partly responsible for the most influential US hard rock album of all time, 1973's 'Montrose', Hagar was born a rocker.  His solo career was equally as accomplished, with unforgettable classics like 'This Planet's On Fire', 'Love Or Money', 'Rock And Roll Weekend', 'Cruising And Boozing'...the list is virtually endless.  In fact I'd say Hagar was as good solo as Roth-era Van Halen almost, so when he was hired it should have been a dream come true.

Unfortunately 'OU812' exposed Van Halen wide open as they further receded into a dull AOR meets hard rock combo that lacked the spark of '5150' which was vastly more vibrant and melodic.  The production is flat and Eddie's guitar tone doesn't contain the life it once did, Roth taking Van Halen's sound with him to his solo career.  Listen to 'Eat 'Em And Smile' and decide who made the original lineup's sound so unique.  'Mine All Mine', 'A.F.U.' and 'Source Of Infection' are reasonable rockers, but sappy AOR fluff like 'When It's Love' and 'Feels So Good' aren't in the original flavour of the band, but considering Hagar's knack for some fine AOR in his solo career it shouldn't have come as a surprise.  The songs aren't bad, but I suspect most would rather hear Van Halen tear it up.  Consumers must have liked what they heard as the album went to number one, like its predecessor.  Roth slammed Van Hagar in his autobiography claiming domesticity ruined the band, softening their sound and approach to music.  He may have been right, without the wild man to keep things unpredictable it got a bit too safe, a vision perfectly realized on 'OU812'.

Website:  www.van-halen.com

Also be sure to read:
Van Halen - Fair Warning by Horatio

Song Summaries:

1. Mine All Mine - A fine opener, featuring the now familiar synthesizers which Van Halen had been toying with as far back as 'Fair Warning'.  Here they seem to dominate the guitar, Eddie more content to let the keyboard do his talking.  Nice pace nonetheless, a commendable piece of rock.  B+
2. When It's Love - As far as AOR goes this is impeccably handled, consummate synth work, melodies and chorus, but leaves me cold.  It's almost too wimp.  This was tailor made for a late 80's teen comedy.  Full marks for the backing harmonies though.  B
3. A.F.U. (Naturally Wired) - Eddie's guitar tone lacks any dynamics whatsoever through the whole thing.  It destroys the momentum of otherwise fine tracks like this, another upfront rocker.  Hagar's on form, he can't be faulted and this would almost rank with Roth's best, especially the hot riff at the 2.46 mark, which leads into a nifty Eddie solo.  A
4. Cabo Wabo - Songs like this are what brings it down.  Painfully slow and laboured, there's no dramatics.  The lyrics are fine, classic Hagar cornball ('man I thought I'd seen it all...man I thought I'd hit the wall'), but as fine as the hook is, nothing happens to get excited about.  C
5. Source Of Infection - The lads try to get things moving with this speedy number and succeed!!  The lyrics again are memorable, AC/DC style even, 'crank it, blow out!...ouch...help me...flip on over...she choke the chain, she get the hook...' Eddie cuts loose, about time.  Could have been a live favourite.  B+
6. Feels So Good - You have to dig those opening synths, that's on another level, 'Karate Kid' maybe.  Clinical AOR, harmless to one and all, unbelievable its Van Halen almost, but this has nothing in common with Roth-era so you could forgive them I suppose.  B+
7. Finish What Ya Started - Screw that jangly guitar, I don't want to hear it.  Far too safe as an overall product, you want drab, this is it.  I turn this off every time it comes on the radio, as somehow it has assumed classic Van Halen status.  Over 'Sinners Swing', 'Dirty Movies' or 'Romeo Delight'?  Nonsense, much like that crap acoustic guitar that never goes away.  D
8. Black And Blue - Dreadfully mediocre musically, but passes only due to the blatant lyrics which deserve an entire reprinting.  'Bitch sure got the rhythm, the harder the better, the wetter the better, yo mama!'  The only musical redeeming point is a thrilling chord change at the 2.15 point.  B
9. Sucker In A 3 Piece - Here we have a contender for the most obscure VH track ever.  So obscure I didn't even know how it went before I sat down to listen to it.  Listening to it right now is like hearing a lost track for the first time on a remaster.  Surprisingly good, standard late 80's party rock, only better.  I think I've heard Hagar sing the line 'how about a 9 on a 10 scale' about fifty times.  'She don't like the way I wear my hair, but when I roll you baby you don't care'.  Eddie later claimed to be embarrassed by lyrics like this.  That was in his grunge period in the mid nineties when he posed with Billy Corgan on the cover of Guitar World, complete with short hair and gay goatee and glasses.  Another stiff who got caught up in the seriousness of the grunge-era.  So did Hagar judging by '97's disastrous 'Marching To Mars'.  B
10. A Apolitical Blues - A cover of some blues bollocks written by Lowell George.  I used to know who he was and who originally recorded this, but I've since forgotten.  Don't bother reminding me.  D 

Average Song Rating:  B-
Overall Album Rating:  C+

Discography (last updated 9.23.06):
Van Halen - 1978
Van Halen II - 1978
Women And Children First - 1980
Fair Warning - 1981
Diver Down - 1982
1984 - 1984
5150 - 1986
OU812 - 1988
For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge - 1991
Live:  Right Here, Right Now - 1993
Balance - 1995
Best Of Volume I - 1996
Van Halen III - 1998
Best Of Both Worlds - 2004