Krokus - Rock The Block
2003 Warner Bros.
by Horatio

Quick Summary:
The only reason to review this is to thoroughly disparage it, as it is Krokus' weakest album of a near thirty year career, one that's had ups and downs but never a low this tragic.  The major selling point of this year old piece of fluff was Marc Storace's return to the band, marking his third stint as vocalist, his previous two runs being the glory years of 1980-88 and a one album return for 1995's 'To Rock Or Not To Be'.  He and Von Arb are the lone survivors of that era, but not even Storace can save Krokus this time, rather he is one of the main problems.  When I think of Krokus I think of the ball busting boogie of 'Back Seat Rock And Roll' or 'Mad Racket' or the ferocious metal of 'Headhunter', with ultra cool Storace at the helm, rivaling Bon Scott as a frontman legend.  Now I am faced with an aging rocker rewriting the same songs for the fiftieth time, same riffs lyrics, with none of the musical sting that made them one of my favourite bands.

How the band could justify fourteen tracks, none of them memorable, is almost offensive.  Getting through track one without skipping is nearly impossible.  Remarkably tame, this is the least heaviest album produced by Krokus.  Even the AC/DC rip off riffs aren't as enjoyable, 'Raise Your Hands' a rewrite of 'Highway To Hell'.  These stiffs have lost all their dynamics, no fire in their interplay.  It's all too pleasant, no raucous tear ups, just sentimental nonsense like 'Looking To America', regarding the land of the free, and all the immigrants who wander here in search of minimum wage jobs and broken dreams.  Wonderful old tosh like 'Throwing Her China' attempts an obligatory 'naughty' rocker with provocative lyrics, but it's forced and Storace sounds as if a loaded gun is being pointed at his head as he goes through the motions worse than Rich Gannon's last season.  This reached number one in the band's native Switzerland, the only place it charted I'm sure.  It hasn't even seen an official release in the US, my copy quite unofficial.  That's okay, if I'd paid for this I'd have opened fire on these buggers on stage.

Website:  krokusonline.seven49.net

Song Summaries:

1. Mad World - Now the labour of reliving this...wimp riff to open, nothing changes as things progress.  Storace gives his views on the state of our troubled world run by tyrants and thieves.  You tell 'em.  C
2. Leading The Pack - Hey guess what?  Krokus are back to bring back wild nights of pleasure!  Not only that but they're gonna rock your lazy town!  That latter line is one Storace has used on every album.  It actually makes me laugh, only because it's so sad.  The chorus has a crude charm, but little else.  C
3. I Want It All - What happened to the Krokus I once knew?  The one that exploded out of the starting gates with every track, 'Bad Boys, Rag Dolls', 'Nightwolf'...now it's gentle chart ready material with tepid modern rock influences on occasion.  Listening to Storace croon softly 'baby you're magic and you know baby, my life is in your hands' has an effect on me I can't describe.  The death of a legend?  Certainly tainted and stained.  D
4. Open Fire - If this had been 1983 Krokus a song titled like this would have been 100mph with speed of light riffs.  In 2003 it's 18mph with ghastly, crappy jangly riffs.  Storace even uses the 'fire, burning desire' line but without the charm it might have once contained.  D
5. One For All - The Young brothers are kidnapped once again to supply some worn out riffs from 1980.  When they do it however it's unbeatable.  That's because they don't masquerade as anything but a crude rock and roll band with nothing but sex and booze on their minds.  No political overtones or 'we can overcome' anthems that Storace does to death.  AC/DC would be ashamed of this.  D
6. Looking To America - If you never listened to this you would categorize it with all the 80's tracks with America in the title, like 'Hello America' by Def Leppard and 'Sailing To America' by Saxon, blatant statements of intent that those bands anted to break the US market.  Krokus broke the US in the early 80's and I suspect they wouldn't mind again, but as that's unlikely they instead write about the great, free country we call home, the world defender which every poverty stricken immigrant wants to live in and become rich.  Instead they get a $5.15 an hour job, unaffordable health care, stuff all vacation time and the NHL.  C
7. Go My Way - Near AOR, definite crap.  D
8. Hot Shot - When I first read the track listing for this in late 2002 this title had me convinced we were in for some boogie.  Sorry, have another jangly series of riffs with less spark than Megadeth.  D
9. Raise Your Hands - Another AC/DC tribute.  According to Storace there's too many people around the world wasting their lives.  I hope he's satisfied wasting mine.  The title's deceiving as you would assume the subject matter to concern raising your hands to rock, but yawn, Marc encourages us to raise our hands for a better world.  Break the shackles and be a winner like him.  This shamble could be an anthem for the United Nations or Unicef and feature at the Olympics as a world uniting anthem.  D
10. Night Of The Snakes - That opening riff is an exact rip off of something I can't finger.  More slow drivel, I'd hate to see them live and have this pulled on me.  Can't you just see the crowd of 32 people's faces as Marc announces 'here's a new one, off our latest album, it's a rocker, called 'Night Of The Snakes' to no reaction.  'Okay up next, you'll all know this one'( crowd gets ready for 'Headhunter') 'Looking To America!'  C-
11. Throwing Her China - As always the band are obliged to include something raunchy, but this takes the cake for being too obvious.  Cornball riff followed by Storace suggestively asking 'yeah' and 'aha' in a way you'd think he was bumming some dude.  He sounds like some dirty old pervert jerking off in a bush as young boys walk by after school.  'Hey come here kid, hey over here! Ever seen one of these?'  Then he is confronted by a parent, runs off nude and trips over with this song playing in the background.  A B- for making me think of that.  B-
12. We'll Rise - Okay you had your bit of fun, now back to more pertinent topics, like being held down in an unforgiving world only to rise up and break the shackles and be a winner like Marc.  This shambles could be an anthem for the United Nations or Unicef and feature at the Olympics as a world uniting anthem.  D
13. Freedom - I'd write the above for a third time but can't be bothered.  Storace sings for the second time about people wasting their lives.  What's with this dude?  He's very concerned about losers like us working and pissing it all away.  I assume he's been stocking up on Bumkowski.  He tells us to unwind and enjoy our lives, don't waste it.  Well I'd sure like to Marc, but who's going to pay for it?  We all aren't living off royalties like you and can't take a year off when we feel like it.  If I quit my job tomorrow and say 'you know what, I've had enough, I'm getting in my car and heading to every state on a journey, time to unwind', I'll last two days before I run out of gas and money.  Meanwhile my family are being forced out of our house due to non payments of my mortgage, my car is being repossessed, I've no money for food and we have to live in a Salvation Army shelter.  America, eh?  Great country isn't it Storace?  Hey man, love it or leave it!  One day after 9-11 as TV showed images of rubble and death, some old fart got mad when I told him we were out of Charmin toilet paper at the Wal-mart I toiled at.  He didn't care what had happened.  Just what level of comfort he could wipe his dirty brown asshole with.  F
14. Rock The Block - I can't give a description as it didn't fit on the blank CD Fiji Harrison copied this on for me.  As all previous thirteen tracks bit the dust this surely does too.  Sounds like a rocker, but probably is another anthem about regular joes rocking the cock and fighting for their rights.

Average Song Rating:  D+
Overall Album Rating:  D