Blackmore's Castle - A Tribute To Deep Purple & Rainbow
2003 Lion Music

Track Listing:
1.  Bloodsucker - Mister Kite
2.  Perfect Strangers - Transcendence
3.  Stargazer - Arabesque
4.  Self Portrait - Lars Eric Mattsson
5.  Sixteenth Century Greensleeves - Reign Of Terror
6.  Gates Of Babylon - Iron Mask
7.  Battle Rage On - Headline
8.  Black Night - Condition Red
9.  Space Truckin - Torben Enevolden
10. Man On The Silver Mountain - Eric Zimmermann
11. Highway Star - Winterlong
12. Lazy - Jason Richardson
13. Still I'm Sad - Condition Red

Line-Up:
Various

Horatio's Rating:  F
Overall Rating:  F

Horatio's Review:
I recall reviewing this three years ago and trying as gently as I can to pass it off as one of the most vilest, monstrous wastes of all time, this side of a Dio live album.  Any tribute album is invariably a major bust and this is the poster boy for any such endeavor.  The artists paying homage here are members of the Lion Music label, which I've dealt with occasionally over the years, and still not heard one listenable album result from it thus far.  I must point out that Purple have been and always will be one of my favourite bands, but that does not translate into automatic acceptance of this self indulgent slab of hackneyed and clichéd classics.  'Lazy'?  'Highway Star'?  'Space Truckin'?  'The Battle Rages On'???  Does that make you feel ill just reading?  It should.  That's not even mentioning Rainbow's inclusions.

Mister Kite.  You know them right?  I reviewed some album of theirs once and that was wretched also.  Here they give 'Bloodsucker' some type of industrial metal makeover.  I'm blown away man.  By the rudeness.  All it does is make me want to hear Gillan singing it.  'Perfect Strangers' by Transcendence is a pointless note for note copy.  It might not be, I only gave it forty seconds.  An onslaught of Rainbow ensues:  'Stargazer' with some whiny bitch on vocals, 'Self Portrait' by Lion honcho Lars Eric Matteson (I cannot verify his status as Lion exec, too lazy to find out, nobody cares anyway), 'Sixteenth...okay, that's enough I'm not disgracing myself by describing anymore Rainbow tributes.  Headline must have been mentally ill as a unit to cover 'The Battle Rages On', perhaps Purple's worst album of all time.  Judging from their sound they are ill.  I know you're all up for a waltz version of 'Black Night'.  Sick minds do not necessarily belong to serial killers.

Who needs to hear 'Highway Star' and 'Lazy' again in any form?  Is there even the staunchest of Purple fans who bought this just because it involves their favourite band and mainly guitarist?  Why couldn't these bands show balls and try a cover of Purple's 'High Ball Shooter' or 'Lay Down, Stay Down'?  Maybe some Joe Lynn Turner-era Rainbow like 'Death Alley Driver' or Graham Bonnet on 'No Time To Lose'?  Boring buggers one and all.  This cover of 'Space Truckin' is so futile, such a drag that even a mention of the artist covering it would be doing him a favour.  And by the time of the opening bars of another industrial effort, this time of 'Man On The Silver Mountain' you might be ready to end your life.  I hate everyone involved with this debacle.

Ask yourself who bought this.  Even five people?  A vanity project such as this has no place in today's world.  I couldn't see anyone even downloading it.  Attention must be brought to a shambles like 'Blackmore's Night' to remind the instigators of this farce that they are worse than sheep rapists.  How did this benefit society?  At least a sheep rapist enjoys his work and can be laughed at.  This makes me hateful and lose more faith in humanity.  As proof I will smash the CD and present it to accompany the review when posted.  Horatio is a man of his word!

Horatio's Rating:  F